Cunninghams....an update

It seems like I don't have much time for blogging anymore.  Actually, I have the time, but not always the energy.  It seems like so much has changed for our family the past year, yet so much is the same.  We still live the Crazy Life everyday.  But, we live a new crazy life. 

When people get married, they usually have a time called PK (pre-kids).  Chris and I had this time.  Then, it becomes P2 (pre-kid number 2).  We loved these years with Mackenzie.  But, then that era ended with the arrival of Carson.  So, then we began P3 (pre-kid number 3).  We had fun as a family of four but knew that this time was short as well.....three years.  Because, after all, birth control can and does work when it is supposed to work!!!  And, then we had William. 

So, we began AK3 (after-kid 3).  Our AK3 was/is not at all what we envisioned it to be.  But, it's our life.  We are trying to embrace the moments with Mackenzie and Carson here on Earth while aching daily for our baby boy!  And, I must say that I think we are doing an okay job.  The lesson of life goes on is hard.....but, it goes on, just a different and new way.  There's not a moment that goes by that Will doesn't cross our mind.  School, Work, Illness, Holidays, Sports, Church, etc.  So, here are some pics of our Crazy Life!!!

10 months ago.....

10 months ago was my baby boy's birthday.  And, it does not seem possible that 10 months have passed since William joined our family.  His birthday was an adventure of new sorts for Chris and I, the nurses in the delivery room, the doctor, and our families. Delivery was just the beginning of his adventure.  And, his adventure was short and compact yet ever so busy. 

Can many say that they completed as much as Will did in 4 1/2 short months?  He had 3 ambulance rides--1 in utero, 1 on his birthday, and 1 at 12 days of age....and, I have had only one in my life (and, William was there!!)  2 open heart surgeries, 2 attempted cardiac catheterizations, multiple (okay, multiple, multiple) feeding tubes.  Still not sure how one little finger could hook that tube and pull it out in no time flat.  William had 11 different cardiologists see him, 2 cardiac surgeons, so many NPs (his mommy kind of likes this one, she is a little partial to NPs), so many nurses watch and love him day in and day out.  2 amazing fundraisers, 3 newspaper articles, and a Firetruck ride to his final resting place.  And, after that final ride, William still managed to find his commercial debut.  He has spots on 2 different Children's Mercy Hospital commercials.  If you are ever at our house and one comes on, be prepared for the TV to pause, so we can have our moment with the beautiful red-headed baby boy.  The list of William's accomplishments in his 4 1/2 months goes on and on. 

But, his memory shines the brightest in our home.  We talk about William with Mackenzie and Carson all the time.  I never want their memories to fade.  I want them to know that he was a miracle and now works Miracles.  The love of a family never fails.  And, this is what seems to make the darkest days a little better.

Chris and I cry for our littlest man every day.  We ache to hold him.  But, we know that William is now holding us.  He watches over his mommy and daddy.  He helps his big sister and big brother every day.  Will still brings us to smile as we cry.  Happy 10 months, Baby Boy!!!

Heart Surgery....."That was EASY!!"

Giggles with Daddy!

True William!

Love!!

Today is Valentine's Day!  So, I thought I would reflect on it a little or a lot.  Who knows how long this will be.....Love is something that is in constant motion.  Meaning I never stop loving or being loved.  This past year, I learned so much about the love others have for my family and me.  And, I learned to love more than I dreamed I could. 

My parents have always shown me unconditional love.  And, what a lesson they taught me.  I learned that a mother's love goes without saying but when mommy says it...she means it with all of her heart.  And, a daddy's love is the same way.  So, I learned from the best of examples.  Thank you with all of my heart, Mom and Daddy!  I love you so much.  And, I value your love so much!!! 

First, learn to love a man who will be the father of your children, and allow him to love you in a way you never dreamed.  Chris---this is you!  I love you and you love me in return.  The list of reasons I love you is endless.  But, I love to laugh with you no matter what we are going through together.....we do it together!!  I love you!!!!!

When children are born, you love them instantly with all of your heart and soul.  Mackenzie is the first born in our home--and the first child, I was able to experience this unconditional mother's love.  And, then came Carson!  And, as a mom you worry about being able to share your love with another baby.  But, just as God loves us all, He also provides us with a way to love MORE!  And, this year, I have felt God's Love in my home! William was born this past year--and yet again, my mommy heart grew to love more.  What a blessing children are on Valentine's Day!  They remind us of TRUE LOVE!  And, they make me remember how much I truly LOVE their Daddy!  He's a great guy, and Mackenzie, Carson, and William are lucky to feel his love!  Just as I am! 

William was our miracle!  My heart and soul still sob everyday for William.  But, I am able to rejoice in knowing that my Father is loving him every minute of every day!  Trick or Treating in Heaven had to be an adventure--as Carson stated, William got lots of baby candy!  He got to spend Christmas in Heaven--a dream come true for all of us.  He gets to feel Jesus's love on Valentine's Day!  He will have a 1st Birthday in Heaven....and the list goes on.  The love of a mommy never ends.

Wear RED!!



www.chdfamilies.org


This a repeat post from last year.  But worth the read.

HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF WOMEN

AND THE NUMBER THREE KILLER OF MEN!!!

CONGENITAL HEART DEFECTS AFFECT 1 in 100 babies born.  1 in 100 babies affected make it the NUMBER 1 birth defect for babies!!!  Congenital Heart Disease Awareness week is February 7th thru 14th.  So, in honor of William, I wanted to share a little about the impact of heart disease on everyone.  And, I wanted you all to be encouraged to WEAR RED!!!

William Howard Cunningham was that 1 in 100.  During his short little life, we have learned so much about congenital heart defects and the impact that they have on these babies (who grow into big kids and adults).  The impact of congenital heart defects is huge.  1 in 100 babies are affected and so are their families (immediate and extended), communities, healthcare providers, hospitals and their staffs.  The list could go on and on detailing who is affected by Congenital Heart Defects.

2 days after his second open heart surgery.

William's story has reached so many people, but he was just one baby with a broken heart.  Chris and I met so many others with the same story just a different defect and different outcome.  Each baby's story is different yet the same.  Babies born with heart defects endure numerous exams, many hospital stays, many surgeries or procedures.  And, so did our precious Will.

In the past, heart disease awareness was something that I thought about at work but never much at home.  However, this year, HEART DISEASE AWARENESS MONTH is A HUGE FOCUS in our home.  We are WEARING RED and telling our boy's story. 

We are also thinking about our family members who have been affected by heart disease from Chris's Grandpa Miller (or Great Papa Miller to Mackenzie and Carson) to Grandma Miller ( because a Stroke is a form of heart disease) to my Grandma PeeWee.  She was the picture of a time bomb waiting to go off (high blood pressure, high stress, 1 1/2 pack a day cigarette habit) when it did last February.  At the age of 84, she went from uncontrolled high blood pressure (not really uncontrolled if you ask her) to QUADRUPLE BYPASS.  And, then came cardiac rehab (that EXERCISE word) and she came out of it all shining brighter than ever and CIGARETTE free.

When Chris and I started talking about heart defects after William's diagnosis last May, I began to think about how many other babies I know or knew have had heart defects.  I thought of my friend Brooke who had a PDA closure as an infant and now is a mother of two little boys.  I thought of Kinlee, my friend Tera's daughter, who had a septal defect and is now a beautiful, sassy 13 year old.  I thought of Kennison, my friend Jamie's daughter, who has an arrythmia, but struggles daily to bring it to other's attention.  I think of the sweet girl whose heart races and no one knows most of the time.  I think of the procedure that she will likely need for the arrythmia to go away! I thought of the first baby I detected a murmur on in the ER who went have open heart surgery a week later and is now a wild 7 year old boy.  I thought of Jacob, my friend Stephanie's son, who also had TAPVR and is a growing 10 year old now.

And, I think of Harlie, a baby who I met in the PICU, whose defect is so very different from Will's but whose story of detection is eerily the same.  I think of Audrey, my cousin.  She and William were the two babies born in the Pierce family this year...and, they both had/have heart defects.  Audrey has a bicupsid aortic valve and a small septal defect.  My cousin, Sally (Audrey's mom) and I never dreamed to know or learn as much about pediatric cardiology as we have this year.  You see, we are both nurses, and have learned a few things about heart disease in adults but not pediatrics.  Pediatric Cardiology is new game for us.  But, we both embraced this time to learn to know what is best for our HEART KIDDOS!!!  I think of Kayden whose mom we met at Ronnie's House.  Kayden and Will were quite the pair for the PICU nurses.  Those boys were HIGH maintenance at times.  I think of Ella and her family, who I have never officially met.  I think of the Dwyer's who I know through Facebook and mutual friends.  I think of Ryder, whose parents we never officially met, and his long stay in the PICU.  And, now, we also think of the Congenital Heart Defect Families.  This is an amazing group of families who have the same story as us but with all different endings.  Check out their Facebook page Congenital Heart Defect Families or their website: www.chdfamilies.org

My boy tube free---only lasted a few minutes, but this is a reminder that Congenital Heart Defects aren't seen on the outside.  Unless, you get to catch a view of the cool scar on his chest!!

Another tube free pic!  Looks like a healthy baby, huh??

Please think of William this month.  But, also think of the other babies like him who are no longer with us on Earth.  Think of the babies here on Earth who are fighting the fight of their life each and everyday.  But, also think of how your life has been touched by heart disease.  And, WEAR RED this month to honor those affected by heart disease.

WEARING RED IN FEBRUARY---"THAT WAS EASY!"

The American Heart Association has so many facts that tell everyone why they should care about heart disease.  And, I recently (okay, just a few minutes ago) looked at their website...www.heart.org  Check it out---so much info in one place.

Family Letters

I have had letters to my children on my heart for a long time...just haven't had the time to put ink to paper or my fingers to the keyboard as the case may be.  So, here goes. 

Disclaimer:  Tears may flow from my eyes as I type and yours as you read.  Remember, this is a form of therapy for a busy mom who lives the Crazy Life of the Cunninghams each and every day!!!

Mackenzie,
You are my sweet, methodical girl who strives to please.  And, man, do you ever please your mommy and daddy.  I know that this past year has aged you so much.  You have grown up in such a short time.  I often look at you and wonder where my little girl went.  And, then, I realize that the circumstances of the past year have aged us all.  You are a great daughter who has advanced so much.  From, Kindergarten to First Grade, tying your own shoes, brushing your own teeth---to the point that two have even fallen out, moving bedrooms with the anticipation of a new baby in the house, learning to read, teaching your dad a thing or two about YouTube.  Where has time gone....well, in 2012, it went to the hospital.  You never say much about what all transpired last year, but I know that you think about it all.  I promise, Peanut, that I am here for you to answer your Whys?, talk, cuddle, etc. for all the days ahead.  I know that there is much you would love to express but just can't.  And, this, at times, breaks my heart.  I see you struggle with grief and sadness that I can't fix.  As a mommy, there is no greater pain than to sit back and watch your child struggle to deal with the cards that they are dealt.  But, Peanut, you do it all with such grace.  You are an amazing big sister to both boys, and will forever be their big sister.  I thank God for you everyday.  Please remember that my love for you is unconditional and will forever be so.  Also, know that God's love is also unconditional.
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

Carson,
You definitely put the HAM in Cunningham.  What a joy it is to be your parents.  You are the best little brother and big brother ever, all wrapped into one tiny little package.  Tiny in size but not spirit.  There are no real words to describe the energy and happiness you bring into our home.  You can light up our world with a simple giggle.  But, I have seen you change over the past year.  You are more of a homebody than ever before--and, I never dreamed this possible.  You have always been my boy who would rather stay at home than go elsewhere, but now, you never want to even leave our sides.  You would rather sleep in our room than your own room.  And, little man, I get it!  We want our kids in our backpockets more than ever before.  So, there are times that I am a little grumpy because I want my room back.....but, I won't make you leave my room for too long.  So, keep climbing in bed to snuggle!  We may growl but are ever so thankful for your snuggles.  There are never too many snuggles.  I don't want to ramble but, Carson Scott, know that our love is unconditional and everlasting.  And, so is God's love for you.
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

A True Jayhawk Fan!


William,
Baby Boy, oh how I miss you.  There are so many moments each day that make me dream and wonder about what we are missing here on Earth without you.  Your fight for four short months has given us so much inspiration.  You fought the fight of your life and ultimately your fight caught up to you.  You were and always will be our little Strong-Willed Warrior.  Our red-headed one of a kind, Rare Bird!  But, you were and will be so much more.  I think of you everytime I see a baby about the same age as you and wonder.  The wonder will continue until we meet again.  But, until then, I will wonder about what you would be doing right now if you were in my arms still.  This ache is painful but peaceful at the same time.  My baby boy is 100% healed.   And, for this, I am eternally grateful to know that my God has my baby in His arms.  God is so good at all times.  And, the benefit is I have an angel on my side....just in case, you didn't know, you go everywhere I go.  And, you love the ride of my life!  It's a Crazy Life for sure.  Just do me a favor, sweet baby boy, give me a little whiff of your sweet scent when I least expect it.  This is one of the things I miss the most about you, William Howard.  I just want to see your big blue eyes and smell your sweet scent.  I miss you and my heart hurts so much for what wasn't meant to be.  But, we are going on with our Crazy Life with you by our sides. 
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

My last pic of you, sweet boy! And, of course in true Cunningham boy style, you stuck your tongue out at your mommy! Know that this makes your big brother and sister happy to see your spunk even on your last days. This was the day before you met Jesus, sweet boy!

Resolutions?

Every year I read others' resolutions and wonder how many keep them through the year.  I can't imagine many make it the whole year doing what they envisioned on January 1st.  I hope I never stick with one focus for a whole year.  Every day and every year, my life changes so much for a true resolution.  So, this year like many others, I resolve to not make a resolution.  Especially this year!  If I learned nothing else from 2012, I learned to live in the moment and go with it.  Tomorrow will be a new day.  And, the best moments are spent with those that you love.

I decided to set some personal goals....that can change as need be.

First one....more dates with Chris.  We have a great time together and never seem to spend time with just the two of us.  This past year our time together was always focused on our children or work, so in 2013, I want to enjoy each other.  Even if we end up talking about the kids or work over dinner.

Second one....more fun family time.  2012 revolved around too many hospital beds for the mom and baby brother.  So, 2013 needs to focus on fun times.  Mackenzie and Carson deserve our focus.  And, they are gonna get fun times.  I hope for one fun family night each month.  And, with this goal, I wanna focus on each child more.  I want Mackenzie and Carson to realize how important they are as individuals to our family.  I will be writing letters to them soon.  All three of my babies will get mommy notes.  I will write a disclaimer on Will's.

Third one....more time at home.  Last year was such a blur that I wanna focus on getting my house back.  We have never completed so many things because Chris worked out of town or I have been pregnant and puking.  And, yes, for me, they go hand in hand pregnant and puking.  So, I want to organize like crazy. Many may forget that there is definitely some OCD in me.  After all, my closet is color coded and organized by long and short sleeve shirts, etc.  So, watch out 841 S. Poplar.....I'm back!

Fourth one....more time for church.  Our Grace Community Fellowship family is amazing.  They have shown us so much love and provided a home for worship in recent years.  I have always been active in the church, but this year I wanna do more.  So, youth group and teen girls, watch out.  Here come the Cunninghams.

December #2....Christmas!!!

The joy of Christmas is definitely seen in the eyes of children.  And, I am forever grateful to have 2 children here on Earth to experience the joy of the holiday.  Chris and I have had such bittersweet moments this past week....but, Mackenzie and Carson have kept us going.  Here are some pics of their Christmas celebrations.  And, indeed, there were many celebrations.

RFTS Christmas Float, Ottawa Christmas Parade!

What a great shepherd she was!!

 

 

 

GCF Christmas Program....not any great pics of the cutest sheep ever.  He knew his line, "Baa." all too well!

 

 

 Pictures with Will's trucks.

And, the fun begins...Cunningham Christmas at our house!

 

 

Making brownies on Christmas Eve.  Aren't their aprons perfect??

 

 

Couldn't get all 5 to sit still long enough for a pic.

 

Golfclubs for the boy---watch out!

 

William gave a memory book!  All parties that received them had many tears!!

 

 Big Wheel Boy!

Gotta have Max in the pictures---I have pics every year of opening presents at my parent's house with the kids, and Max is in almost all of them. Can't miss the action!!

And, tuckered out...TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS!!!