GNO

Girls Night Out....very few people are lucky enough to live close to so many friends from preschool through high school (some even went to college with me) but I do.  In fact, I am the odd man out who lives far away from the rest.  Okay, maybe, an hour is not far away but sometimes it seems far away.  And, other times, it seems like they are next door.  This week, I can say that they all must live next door. 

I went out to dinner with Megan and Kodi.  And, they shared all my GNO friends' love for my family and me.  Throughout the past year, so many friends near and far have made my day.  But, these girls never fail!  They call, write, invite me out (even when they know that I can't go, but they still invite) and the list goes on and on. 

I knocked on Meg's door which was a bit of a shocker to her.  And, the night began.  Megan, Kodi, and I piled into Megan's Explorer with her behind the wheel.  I promised to not talk about her driving, so I won't!  Kodi and I navigated to 119th and Blackbob from Megan's house (and we didn't even need her fancy, schmanzy GPS).  Being in the car with them felt so normal.  And, man, normal felt so good on Tuesday after going over Will's autopsy.  I was afraid that I would be too emotionally drained to enjoy the evening--but I was not at all.  After all, I left CMH with a sense of wonder about my William.  He was an inspiration to all who had the joy of knowing him.  And, I deserved to be happy, too!  Dinner was great.  The socialization was fabulous.  But, the thoughts of my dear GNO friends were amazing to me.  The GNO group had a beautiful necklace made for me.

And, they know how much my kiddos and hubby mean to me.  These girls know ME.  They know that I am a mom and wife.  They know that sharing all my time is hard but that I LOVE to spend the most with my hubby and kiddos.  So, GREAT WOLF LODGE...HERE WE COME!!!

GNO CREW--I LOVE YOU.  And, thanks for loving me so much.  I can't wait to have many more memories with such a great crew.  We will make an awesome Red-Hatter's Club in 30 more years!!!!

Just in case, you all haven't been to SPIN Pizza--GO!  It was a great meal for a pretty reasonable price and a great atmosphere to do what all girls do together...TALK and GOSSIP, just a little.  (Molly, the gossip always seems to be less when you are absent...hmmm???)

Another week down....

 

Friday is here---and, we made it another week.  I was worried that this would be a week that I would stumble and fall.  But, in fact, it was far from this.  Going to Children's Mercy Hospital stirs all kinds of emotions.  Good and bad all wrapped together!!!

On Tuesday, Chris and I had an appointment with Dr. O'Brien and Dr. Shah as well as Dee, Will's social worker.  Going over an autopsy with parents has to be one of the most difficult parts of their jobs....and as parents, it was one of the hardest things we ever will have to do.  While driving downtown, I struggled with nerves while Chris remained cool as a cucumber.  He was aware of what we were doing, but he was ready to hear what was going to be said.  I was so jealous of his calmness!!!!  The meeting with William's doctors could not have gone better.  Will was truly our strong-willed warrior.  All cards in the deck were stacked against our babe!  And, we were and will continue to BLESSED by the little red head that we call son. 

My mom told me that she was so proud of us for making the decision to have an autopsy done.  Not having an autopsy of Will's heart and lungs ever crossed our minds.  I am a nurse who always wants to learn more as well as teach someone else.  And, Chris is a carpenter.  He puts together all kinds of puzzles everyday--analyzing piece by piece and how they all will fit together.  And, then he puts into action all the pieces to make a masterpiece.  (If you have seen my driveway, it's a masterpiece of concrete work!!) 

We wanted to know what went terribly wrong on September 22nd as much as the hospital staff did.  But, we also needed to know that Will's life would live on in our minds forever as well as teach so many more people.  And, once again, William succeeded.  I have heard that each child is one in a million--that there is no one just like another, similar yes but the same no.  Maybe elements of the others melt together but each varies....well, William Howard definitely did just this.  He didn't look exactly like either Mackenzie or Carson, and he definitely broke the medical mold!  TAPVR in itself is rare 1 in 15-20,000 babies are born with it, and less than 1/3 of those TAPVR kiddos have his infracardiac, infradiaphragmatic kind.  So...RARE BIRD!  But, even more RARE was the fact that he had another disease process as well.  Pulmonary Venous Obstructive Disease--meaning that his pulmonary veins were small to begin with and continued to narrow from his chronic pulmonary hypertension.   So, RARE meets RARE. 

Having both major cardiac disease processes is truly RARE.  Dr. O'Brien has had 3 kids out of 3500 (in 11 years at CMH) with PVOD and 1 of which also had TAPVR.  And, Dr. Shah has had 1 other patient in his career with PVOD.  The diagnosis of PVOD is not-compatible with life for any length of time.  The disease progresses until the pulmonary veins are so narrow that they can no longer bring the blood back to the heart.  Think McDonald's straw getting down to the size of a coffee stirrer.  The lungs fill up with fluid with no place to go except back to the right side of the heart--and then back to the body. 

So, our four months were an AMAZING MIRACLE.....and his name was William Howard Cunningham.  All parents think that their child is a miracle from God, and they are all miracles.  But, my baby boy might just take the cake (even if he didn't ever get to eat the cake!)

It has been said over and over again that "Burying your child is not the natural order."  And, no it isn't.  But, sometimes it happens.  I wouldn't trade a minute with my boy knowing now what I know.  He was a joy and what a beauty that we were able to bond with him.  But, he is ALL better in HEAVEN.  And, that alone, makes this mommy smile!!

Thank yous....

I have been trying to compile all my thank you letters and cards that need to be mailed out to friends, family, and community members.  But, I have struggled to get it all done.  I know that time is an issue but really the issue is that "I JUST DON'T WANNA DO IT."  I know you all are hearing me in a two year old whiny voice saying this.  Sometimes, as adults, there are so many things that we just don't wanna do but have to.  And, writing these cards and letters out is one of them.  I just don't want to have that final thing done.  William was so much more than I can write in words.  So, if you have yet to receive a thank you, I am so sorry.  I am working at it.

But, I can write out some of the many, many things that have touched my soul.  These are in no particular order just listed out.  And, if I have forgotten someone or something, my brain is mush!

My mom and dad....cause no matter what, one always needs their mommy and daddy sometimes (and their shoulders to cry on or the ears to hear your story when you can't hug them from Ottawa)

My in-laws....lending me an extra shoulder to cry on (and for Chris to have your shoulders to lean on and ears to hear his tales)

Brothers and Sisters (and in-laws)...loving us and never being afraid to say it and more importantly to show your love for the Five of Us.  And, for the amazing fundraiser on Will's behalf.  Thank you to Josh (and Amanda), Andrea (and Mike), Donnie (and Karen), Amy (and Justin).

A fellow church member and friend who served as the funeral director for William's service.  Knowing that my baby was in your hands, Eric, made my heart hurt a little less.  You are awesome at what you do....a true calling, just as my job is my calling.

A letter from someone I went to high school with about the loss of her newborn baby this past Summer...it was just what I needed.  Thank you, Tricia.  I definitely cried when I read it, but I also felt so connected.  Our stories are different but the loss is the same.

Hair interventions for all of us...cuts, color, styles, etc.  Jamie rocks!!

The many stories of those we know that have lost a child.  The tales are healing for both parties, us on the receiving end and them on the giving end.  Keep telling your stories.  They make us feel like we are not alone.  And, we continue to tell William's story everyday.

A message on Facebook from a high school classmate that has turned into a great friendship through correspondence even though she lives in Olathe (less than 25 miles away...and works in Paola also 20 miles away).  Thank you, Beth!

A card in the mail reminding me that I am strong when I feel the weakest.  And, the reassurance that one can be beautiful in other's eyes when they don't feel so beautiful.  Kirstin...I needed it this week

Calls daily.  Texts daily from my nearest and dearest friends.  EVERYONE.

Ronald McDonald House.

Friends taking me to dinner when I didn't want to get away but needed to do so.  And, the insistence that we do it again.  SOON--this week, in fact!!!  Megan, Kodi, Miranda, Molly...I need mommy time and thanks for making me take it!

Friends caring for our animals at a moment's notice.  Bowers, Browns, Wolzens, Wingerts, etc.

Ottawa....the community, Fire Department, Police Department, Ransom Memorial Hospital.

Other churches in the area...supporting William's Pancake Feed, bringing us an entire Thanksgiving dinner this week just to show love.

Friends shopping for my kiddos when I didn't feel like going to the store....Thank you Robbie and Miranda.

Nurses, Respiratory Therapists, and Doctors at Children's Mercy Hospital.....Garrett, Lori Ray, Lori, Scott, Lauren, Annie, Greg, Jessica, Kalli, Jackie, Teresa, John, Dr. O'Brien, Dr. Shah, Dr. Tieves, Dr. Allen, Dr. Vaughn, Dr. Bingler, etc!!!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

There are so many funny things that kids say on a daily basis.  But, Chris and I spent this Thanksgiving morning remembering our favorite ones of our three kiddos.  And, they leave me with so many thankful thoughts.  Life with children is a dream come true.  And, the fun never stops...as I write this Chris, Mackenzie, and Carson are wrestling with each other in our bed.

Top Ten Cunningham Quotes by Mackenzie and Carson!!

10. "You are nothing but a BULLY."  Carson, age 2 and continues almost daily as he wrestles with Chris.

9. "Carson, that is just P THETIC." Mackenzie, age 3, to her crying baby brother, Carson.

8. "Why do boys underwear have pockets in them?" Mackenzie, age 2, as she reaches to see what is inside her daddy's underwear....a quick dash to the left for Chris.

7. "Mom just threw everything up!"  Mackenzie on the night that my feeding tube was thrown up...Chris didn't believe what EVERYTHING meant.

6. "Are we back at William's House?"  Carson, age almost 3, as we returned to Children's Mercy one evening.....sad, but it was oh so true!

5. "Jesus works for us.  How do you mail a paycheck to Heaven?"  Mackenzie, age 6, as she was helping me with payroll....And, a Jesus did work for us at the time.

4. "Grandma threw our Christmas tree away.  We need to hide our new one, maybe in the bathroom or bedroom."  Carson, age 3, remembering how Grandma Joyce took last year's tree down in pieces and threw it out the back door.

3. "That's not such a good idea."  Mackenzie, age 3 and on on....she is always the rational one.

2. "Are we there yet?  Are we almost to Garrett's House?" as we drive past the Wal-Mart DC...not even out of Franklin County yet!!

1. "You have a big ouchie from your heart, I probably not wrestle with you for a LONG time." Carson, almost 3, talking to William on the first day that he saw him after his first heart surgery. 

I can't wait to witness my boys wrestle in Heaven in approx. 100 years....I bet it will be a wrestling match of epic proportions....and my hubby is likely to be wrestling with his brother at the same time....BOYS WILL BE BOYS!!!

AND......THE BONUS ONE....."IT'S JUST WILLIAM AND WE DON'T REALLY KNOW."  "RARE!"  Medical quotes on our precious red-headed angel!!

November..

A month of Thanksgiving...
I decided not to do daily Thanksgiving posts on Facebook for so many reasons...but, mainly the fact that I so thankful for so many things/people.  This year has taught me so much about myself and the good of so many people.  Instead of a daily post...I think I will plan on a few TOP TEN lists for the various parts of my life.  First comes FAMILY.

TOP TEN:

1) My God for being such a wonderful and loving Father even though I don't deserve Your Love.

2) My Husband....you make my day brighter each and every day.  And, I could not ever dream of a better person to spend my life with each day.  Thank you!!  (even if you do hog the bed!)

 



3) Mackenzie Renee...you are the best daughter.  You make me smile and remember how blessed I am as a mother.  You are so intelligent, sweet, kind, and compassionate.  And, your sass is just my style.

And, you are so beautiful.  What an angelic little face!!



 





4) Carson Scott...you are an amazing little boy that I get to call SON.  You are the happiest of little men.  I love the fact that you can make anyone smile with just a little grin or joke.  You are my loving little boy who will fight his daddy for "My Lady".  I love the fight in you, my tiny might!

Ornery and Cute all wrapped into one sweet little boy!

 

5) William Howard...you will always be my strong-willed warrior.  I am truly blessed to have such a fighter as my son.  I know our time on Earth was much too short, but I have your spirit in my heart everyday.  And, I have the reassurance that we will meet again.  Thank you for fighting so hard in a fight that you were not meant to win.  But, you gave it your all and showed your family how to fight hard at all times.

I found this video about 2 weeks ago....just makes me smile.  This was on the day before he went to Heaven.  Just a short mommy moment...but one that will live forever in our hearts!!

 

6) My Parents...you amaze me each and everyday.  Almost 40 years of marriage, 2 adult children (who I would like to think turned out okay), 6 grandchildren (all of which are perfect in their own ways).  I love you both so much.  Thank you for teaching me all about life and showing me how to love unconditionally as you both do.

 

7) My brother...Josh, you are an awesome big brother.  We fought like crazy as kids but would fight to the ends of the earth for each other.  I love you so much.  This year has shown me how much I love and admire you.  And, that no matter what, we have each other just to hold each other up when we need it.  Thank you.

 

8) My In-Laws...thanks for raising such an amazing son.  And, more importantly, thanks for letting me take him off your hands.  You should be so proud of your children and the adults they have all become.  Thank you for supporting our family through thick and thin.

 

9) My Church Family...Grace Community Fellowship is a family like I have never experienced before.  The love of so many church members has been so abundant this year.  From dinners delivered when I couldn't cook, cards, phone calls, hugs, prayers, cookies on the doorstep or delivered by hand, yard/pet care, and so on and on.  Thank you all GCF!!!

 

10)My friends...because old and new, you all are Family to us.  Family is not defined by birth.  I have learned so much about the need for true friendships in the last year.  More than ever before, I have learned to rely on friends.  Thank you all for being so amazing....calling me when I couldn't call, sending me cards, letters, rekindling an old friendship (even ones that weren't strong before, but now are undeniable), and so on and on.

 

 

 

Fire....Fire....Fire!!!

Call 911.....there's a house on fire in the 800 Block of Poplar.

Halloween was a flaming, roaring, good time for Mackenzie.  The only down side was the lack of costume contest at OU this year.  She was determined to win.  But, a kind gentleman in the parking lot declared her the winner when we left the event....so, all was well!!

 

She was the "hottest" costume I saw around town....even though Halloween costumes get more risque the older I get! Don't even want to think about how little people might try to wear when I am 95 years old! 

 

 

Fireman 728 to the rescue!!!  (with his own fire extinguisher or bucket)

Isn't he the cutest fireman?  I have the best looking fire crew in my house---Chris and Carson!!

 

 

 

Man....this was a raging fire.  Despite the cute fireman and his extinguisher, the fire kept burning all night.  The house tried to set Ottawa University aflame at the Spooktacular Bash.  Lucky for the Mabee Center, the fire seemed to be contained to the one house with legs!!

 

 

People kept thinking that I came up with their costume ideas, but I did not.  Mackenzie was the mastermind.  She came up with the plans in August when we began the Halloween discussion.  Grandma Sue is the seamstress for all costumes, so we needed ample time for planning with 3 kiddos needing costumes.  No real sewing this year--just constructing a house for Grandma Sue and Mackenzie and altering a firesuit! Thanks to Costco and the cute fireman costume.

 

Carson was bound and determined to be a fireman.  Kenzie ran with the idea of a "FIRE" theme.  She wanted to be the house on fire, Carson the fireman, and Will was to be the fire dog, a dalmatian.  And, there's no doubt he would have been the cutest dalmatian.  But, instead he was called Home before Halloween.  So, instead, he was present in Spirit.  And, Carson asked God last night in his prayers, "Did William get good baby candy when he went dressed up as my fire dog?"  I asked what baby candy was and he replied, "Puffs like babies eat in their highchairs!"  And, then I smiled knowing that God provided William with the perfect Halloween.  And, most importantly, He provided my family with the perfect Halloween once again. 

 

There is never a day that William is not on my mind and filling my heart, but it makes me so happy to see my other kiddos happy.  It also warms this mommy's heart to know that William is never far from Mackenzie and Carson's hearts.  They both were determined to have the fire dog present at all Halloween events--we carried a stuffed animal to Trunk or Treating at church.  And, I carried a little toy dog in my coat pocket last night!