Family Letters

I have had letters to my children on my heart for a long time...just haven't had the time to put ink to paper or my fingers to the keyboard as the case may be.  So, here goes. 

Disclaimer:  Tears may flow from my eyes as I type and yours as you read.  Remember, this is a form of therapy for a busy mom who lives the Crazy Life of the Cunninghams each and every day!!!

Mackenzie,
You are my sweet, methodical girl who strives to please.  And, man, do you ever please your mommy and daddy.  I know that this past year has aged you so much.  You have grown up in such a short time.  I often look at you and wonder where my little girl went.  And, then, I realize that the circumstances of the past year have aged us all.  You are a great daughter who has advanced so much.  From, Kindergarten to First Grade, tying your own shoes, brushing your own teeth---to the point that two have even fallen out, moving bedrooms with the anticipation of a new baby in the house, learning to read, teaching your dad a thing or two about YouTube.  Where has time gone....well, in 2012, it went to the hospital.  You never say much about what all transpired last year, but I know that you think about it all.  I promise, Peanut, that I am here for you to answer your Whys?, talk, cuddle, etc. for all the days ahead.  I know that there is much you would love to express but just can't.  And, this, at times, breaks my heart.  I see you struggle with grief and sadness that I can't fix.  As a mommy, there is no greater pain than to sit back and watch your child struggle to deal with the cards that they are dealt.  But, Peanut, you do it all with such grace.  You are an amazing big sister to both boys, and will forever be their big sister.  I thank God for you everyday.  Please remember that my love for you is unconditional and will forever be so.  Also, know that God's love is also unconditional.
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

Carson,
You definitely put the HAM in Cunningham.  What a joy it is to be your parents.  You are the best little brother and big brother ever, all wrapped into one tiny little package.  Tiny in size but not spirit.  There are no real words to describe the energy and happiness you bring into our home.  You can light up our world with a simple giggle.  But, I have seen you change over the past year.  You are more of a homebody than ever before--and, I never dreamed this possible.  You have always been my boy who would rather stay at home than go elsewhere, but now, you never want to even leave our sides.  You would rather sleep in our room than your own room.  And, little man, I get it!  We want our kids in our backpockets more than ever before.  So, there are times that I am a little grumpy because I want my room back.....but, I won't make you leave my room for too long.  So, keep climbing in bed to snuggle!  We may growl but are ever so thankful for your snuggles.  There are never too many snuggles.  I don't want to ramble but, Carson Scott, know that our love is unconditional and everlasting.  And, so is God's love for you.
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

A True Jayhawk Fan!


William,
Baby Boy, oh how I miss you.  There are so many moments each day that make me dream and wonder about what we are missing here on Earth without you.  Your fight for four short months has given us so much inspiration.  You fought the fight of your life and ultimately your fight caught up to you.  You were and always will be our little Strong-Willed Warrior.  Our red-headed one of a kind, Rare Bird!  But, you were and will be so much more.  I think of you everytime I see a baby about the same age as you and wonder.  The wonder will continue until we meet again.  But, until then, I will wonder about what you would be doing right now if you were in my arms still.  This ache is painful but peaceful at the same time.  My baby boy is 100% healed.   And, for this, I am eternally grateful to know that my God has my baby in His arms.  God is so good at all times.  And, the benefit is I have an angel on my side....just in case, you didn't know, you go everywhere I go.  And, you love the ride of my life!  It's a Crazy Life for sure.  Just do me a favor, sweet baby boy, give me a little whiff of your sweet scent when I least expect it.  This is one of the things I miss the most about you, William Howard.  I just want to see your big blue eyes and smell your sweet scent.  I miss you and my heart hurts so much for what wasn't meant to be.  But, we are going on with our Crazy Life with you by our sides. 
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

My last pic of you, sweet boy! And, of course in true Cunningham boy style, you stuck your tongue out at your mommy! Know that this makes your big brother and sister happy to see your spunk even on your last days. This was the day before you met Jesus, sweet boy!

Resolutions?

Every year I read others' resolutions and wonder how many keep them through the year.  I can't imagine many make it the whole year doing what they envisioned on January 1st.  I hope I never stick with one focus for a whole year.  Every day and every year, my life changes so much for a true resolution.  So, this year like many others, I resolve to not make a resolution.  Especially this year!  If I learned nothing else from 2012, I learned to live in the moment and go with it.  Tomorrow will be a new day.  And, the best moments are spent with those that you love.

I decided to set some personal goals....that can change as need be.

First one....more dates with Chris.  We have a great time together and never seem to spend time with just the two of us.  This past year our time together was always focused on our children or work, so in 2013, I want to enjoy each other.  Even if we end up talking about the kids or work over dinner.

Second one....more fun family time.  2012 revolved around too many hospital beds for the mom and baby brother.  So, 2013 needs to focus on fun times.  Mackenzie and Carson deserve our focus.  And, they are gonna get fun times.  I hope for one fun family night each month.  And, with this goal, I wanna focus on each child more.  I want Mackenzie and Carson to realize how important they are as individuals to our family.  I will be writing letters to them soon.  All three of my babies will get mommy notes.  I will write a disclaimer on Will's.

Third one....more time at home.  Last year was such a blur that I wanna focus on getting my house back.  We have never completed so many things because Chris worked out of town or I have been pregnant and puking.  And, yes, for me, they go hand in hand pregnant and puking.  So, I want to organize like crazy. Many may forget that there is definitely some OCD in me.  After all, my closet is color coded and organized by long and short sleeve shirts, etc.  So, watch out 841 S. Poplar.....I'm back!

Fourth one....more time for church.  Our Grace Community Fellowship family is amazing.  They have shown us so much love and provided a home for worship in recent years.  I have always been active in the church, but this year I wanna do more.  So, youth group and teen girls, watch out.  Here come the Cunninghams.