Yes...they stayed in their jammies all day!
My workspace....lots done here today.
I have been uber-productive!! Taxes all but done....gotta do the business portion in order to finish our personal ones. But, February 20th is way better than my last 2 years of April 13th to begin the process. Laundry...check! Dishes...check (well, not quite, but the thought has hit me) Nurse...check (Mackenzie is feeling pretty blah. And, she continues to run a fever. But, her 20 hours hasn't hit quite yet.) Laugh...check (Carson has been home with us today. And, there isn't a day that goes by without something he says or does to make me laugh) Business drama...CHECK! Employees stealing from you is never a thought that comes to mind when you begin a business....oh well, such is life!!
A lot has been on my mind lately....I got to meet my new niece this week. Madilynn Aubrey joins her two big brothers, Milam and Malachi. And, she is beautiful. Her momma had to work all day on Monday to bring her into this world. I am convinced that Madilynn Aubrey wanted to incubate just a little longer. After all, Andrea might grow the biggest babies in her oven. She is an incubator for sure. Me, not so much!!
Holding my new niece and seeing the joy in all in the room was a little tough for this heartbroken momma. But, it also reinforced the reassurance that clouds fade in families. The clouds have faded in the Cunningham family as Madilynn was born...she has a BIG responsibility. We were all searching for JOY--and it came in her 10# 9oz. package. I can hardly wait to snuggle her some more. Does it remind me of my boy and the Hope that each baby brings? Of course, it does. Every time I see a new baby, it takes me back to 2012. Will this ever fade? I doubt it. Does the heartbreak of losing one's child ever go away? NO--I will not let it go away. My baby boy, William, had a purpose and touched so many in 4 1/2 months. He still moves many--CHD week was last week. I love seeing our friends and family proudly wearing their red in memory of our boy. Each time someone asks about congenital heart defects, I know many of you think of our William. And, for this, I am forever grateful.
Does holding a new baby make us long for babies in our home? Yes, it does. I have seen one of my dearest friends bring her 3rd baby into this world and now my niece arrived--making the third baby in her family. Seeing those close to you have what you dreamed of is never easy. I thank God everyday for my children and all of the children in this world. I might have taken my ability to get pregnant for granted, my wonderful husband for granted, my family support for granted, the friends (old and new) for granted. But, I don't anymore. So, seeing these new babies--Brikan and Madilynn makes me relish each moment a little more. The sounds of family joy can be heard in million different ways--including the cartoons in my background, the dishwasher running, the heater kicking on, etc......
For those that remember, pregnancy for this blond-haired momma is 9 months of nausea and puking. But, the end result is pure joy! Yet, there are no guarantees. We have 2 beautiful, healthy children here on Earth and one beautifully healed boy in Heaven. Do you play the odds? Do you hold your hand closely and walk away from the gamble? Do you seek other methods to add to your family? Do you????? Can't you all see that there are no easy answers in life. We were content with our 3 children because 1 of them was going to require a lot of extras---but now we can't snuggle him anymore. He is present in all of our snuggles....but it is a different feeling to not feel him, smell him, taste him (come on, all parents I know have nibbled on toes and gotten sloppy kisses with remnants of lunch/dinner with those kisses), see him, or hear his giggles when his brother tells funny jokes (Carson would have had Will in stitches...we can only imagine the TROUBLE those two would have been into). I have talked with other grief-stricken parents out there--and they seem to struggle with some of the same thoughts and emotions. I hope me writing them down helps them as much as it helps me.
I am not asking any reader to give me the answers. I just want to put my thoughts on paper (so to speak). It seems like we all are so busy...and stating some things isn't easy in the oral form but on paper, they just flow. I write for my therapy--so, thanks to all of you, therapists! There is no check in the mail for your services. So, in essence, please pray for God to guide our plans. His guidance hasn't and will not fail us. And, as we have experienced, prayer works.
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